no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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