Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
