Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
sex in a hospital.. check
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
