found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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