He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
