i jhust puked up my retainher.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
His nipple licking is glorious
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