That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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