I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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