i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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