someone owes me an orgasm
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
