please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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