Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
