Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
