i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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