On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
