Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
