i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
