Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize