maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
