How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
