i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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