I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
