Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
