I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize