In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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