if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
