We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
