I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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