i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
