real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
