I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
