So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
