smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
