Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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