My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
