they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
