maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just high enough for therapy.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
