So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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