i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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