Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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