I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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