DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
