Your dad touched me again.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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