I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
