A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize