The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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