I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
