Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
