There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
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You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
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It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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