It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
