On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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