This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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