on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
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Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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