Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
