When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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