you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
