found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
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