so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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