The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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