Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
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we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
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Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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