I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
