Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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