Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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