So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
