Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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