Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
