During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
