Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
