i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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