yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
