there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
