This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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