JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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