i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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